Search in the Shadows

Broadly speaking i'm a lonely man,
I wish I had more time on my hands.
I know no fashion, have lost the thread,
Of dialects and how to connect.

I've read a classic, and taken a look,
At apparently inspiring books.
Full of many complex words,
I read eagerly even though perturbed.

The books and films all digress,
Into what amounts to more or less,
A scheduled walk around the block,
Another week of tick, tick, tock.

It seems to me that no one knows,
Or no one thinks about their throws,
Of death that they will finally meet,
When flesh meets dust and thoughts cease.

Am I completely alone,
On my pretentious throne,
Do others think the same,
I worry I might be insane.

I want to meet the father, son and holy ghost,
I want to hear what i want most.
Why am I here?